


Eddie My Love

by heir2slytherin



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Letter fic, M/M, Sad, i too am trying my best, i'm a whole emotional mess and so is richie, richie's trying his best, unrequited love???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-11-02 12:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20753642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heir2slytherin/pseuds/heir2slytherin
Summary: Richie writes a letter to Eddie in hopes that it will give him closure.





	Eddie My Love

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in a reddie obsession recently and I just really wanted to get some feelings out. I hope you like it!

Dear Eddie,

I would like to preface this by saying that I’ve been fighting writing this for a while now. Bill told me that it would help me out and maybe even give me some closure, but I didn’t want to do it. Writing to you doesn’t make sense. I should just be able to talk to you. That’s why I didn’t want to write this. Writing would just make everything so real.

You’re dead. I wake up every morning, and I have to remember that fact. Sometimes, it’s easy. I wake up and immediately know the truth. Other times, I physically can’t bring myself to believe it. So much shit happened with that fucking clown, and most of it was just in our heads. Why couldn’t this just have been in my head? Why did this have to be real?

However much I don’t want to believe it, it’s still true. You’re gone. I’ll never be able to call you Eds again, and you’ll never yell at me for it again. I’ll never say some dumb joke about fucking your mom again. You’ll never call me Trashmouth again. I’ll never see your smile again. I’ll never tell you how I felt.

Do I hate myself for not telling you? No. Do I wish that I told you? I’m really not sure. I know that I loved you all those years ago. I know that I still love you now. I know that I’ll love you until the day I die. You’re my constant, Eddie, my love. You’re my North Star.

Telling you might not have been what I wanted it to be anyway. I know that you would never hate me or judge me, but I don’t know if you felt the same way. Maybe not telling you and living without truly knowing what could’ve happened was better than telling you and potentially losing you.

If you didn’t feel the same way, all of this would be so much easier. It would give me some sort of relief for never having told you.

If, by some small chance, you did love me too, then things would be a whole lot more complicated. I would hate myself for sure. If I knew that I could have been with you, and I was too much of a coward to do anything about? Well, Eds, that would make me the biggest fucking idiot in the entire fucking world.

I carved our initials into the kissing bridge when we were kids. R+E. It was my way of showing the world how I felt without actually having to come out. I know that it’s nerdy and borderline creepy because you didn’t know, but I was a kid. I’d do it again though. I’d write our names in the stars if it were possible. We both know that’s where we belong.

This is never going to get easier, is it? I’m never going to be able to see an inhaler without tearing up. I’m never going to be able to see a hammock without wanting so badly to just lay with you one last time. I’m never going to be able to think about you or talk about you or say your name without falling apart. I’m never going to heal from this.

I hope you’re happy wherever you are. The only thing I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. Maybe that’s how I’ll be able to get through this, by thinking that you’re happy. As long as your happy, Eds, I don’t really give a fuck what else happens.

I know that I said that I didn’t want to write this, but I don’t think I ever want to stop now. It’s like I’m talking to you again. It was so hard for me to get myself to do this, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to again. I just want to keep talking to you, Eddie. It’s actually not much different from when you were alive then, is it? I just keep talking.

I love you so much, Eds. I wish I could say that I’d see you soon, but I know that’s not what you’d want. You wouldn’t want to me kill myself. You would want me to live a full, happy life and meet up with you when I’m 90. But, that’s where you’re wrong, my friend: I’ll never live a full, happy life without you. I’m just going to be slowly, slowly drifting through this hell until my time comes and I’ll get to see your perfect little face again.

So long, Spaghetti Man. I’ll see you on the flip side.

Love,

Richie

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! Let me know if you want me to write anything else.


End file.
